&nsbp Eyes radio lies

Inspired Thoughts by Unlikely Events and Things.

Let me admit something to you. I have never liked doing mathematics. This is no secret to anyone who knows me on a personal level or who's been in math classes with me. I don't like numbers because they don't speak to me, they aren't personal or close to my heart and they jumble in my mind.

I had one or two decent math teachers in grade school, but the public schooling system doesn't allow for time or patience of learning the maths, which I find problematic since I need time to work out numbers and have the ability to solve complicated problems.

I am taking Math 100: Mathematical Literacy this year at school because it's a class offered to students who feel that they don't excel at the maths and have busy schedules completing other subjects (lets just say the amount of writing I have to do this semester is beyond insanity, a post that will come sooner or later).

Our teacher, a brilliant Scottish woman, has asked us to complete a short mathematical autobiography for tomorrow. In the middle of writing it, I realized that all of my fears related to math and science are directly related to my experiences as a child in a public schooling system that taught embarassment for being incorrect and pushed students along even if they didn't fully understand the problems in order to make state test requirements. This system exists even more today, and I worry for all the kids who have to deal with it.

Writing this paper allowed me to see what the real problem with me is: Its not that I can't do that math--it is that I won't allow myself to make mistakes, so I just block my mind and give up far too easily.

This semester won't be easy just because I'm saying I am going to make an effort to do well in this class---which will help me a little bit, but I will still struggle here and there. But it's always okay to ask for help and its always okay to work with classmates.

Wish me luck, say a prayer.

But ask yourself:

Is there any fear or problem in my life I can overcome?

Shall any gazer see with mortal eyes
or any searcher know by mortal mind--
Veil after veil will lift....and there must be
veil upon veil behind.
-sir edwin arnold-