&nsbp Eyes radio lies

everytime i remember you, i thank god.

I just got back from my very FIRST time voting.

Before I go into another political rant, I have other revelations to talk about.

I am much healthier, as the plague I've been fighting for a couple of weeks is finally dying down. I was sitting in the broadcast studio this morning with my friend Kim, who is a work study down there. We were discussing things. I realized I was still bitter about the Mr. Maxwell events of '05. Why? He didn't do anything to me directly. I realize that I hate a lot of what I've been through---but mainly, how I've dealt with them. I shove things away from me. I shove away a lot of the anger. I'm terrified to turn to someone and say "I'm angry."

Angry isn't pretty.

I am a specialist at holding on to things I can't control. I'm a control freak. If I'm not in a stable situation--I don't know how to act. I'm terrified of change. Of growing older and being alone.

But I am getting better, and I know this. My friend Kim from the studio is engaged. And when she was telling me how she and her boy had met, how he proposed---I felt something different this time. I felt elated for her. Completely happy.

Completely normal reaction, yeah? If this had been a little while ago, I would have been jealous of her happiness. I would have gone back to my room and sulked; I would have been depressed that my first love simply stopped loving me completely one morning. And today? I wanted to hear everything about it. Because I know, deep down, one day---I will be the one telling my girlfriends the story. Life comes at you in turns, in circles. Eventually, you will get somewhere. It's a matter of learning patience. A matter of learning how not to worry.

Worrying. Joe always got upset with me for worrying too much. And it's the truth. I'm worried about what people think of me, about how to act around them. So, I'm going to try and tame myself. I am going to take life as it comes at me. I finally understand. I want to be normal. Roll with the punches. If it doesn't work--I'll be hurt. But, I'll know how to stand back up and most importantly, how to love more and more each time. You can't let things leave you bitter.

So, here I've been, terrified of loving again and taking risks. Worrying about what people will think about me when they meet me.

I am a gorgeous light. Stop worrying. Stay patient.


a vote wasted is a country lost.

With the upcoming elections, I encourage all young voters who are voting for the first time (like myself) to vote. I also hope that they will consider the actual politics, and not just what they hear in commercials and through popular opinion. It shouldn't matter which party you belong to---in my opinion, there should be no parties. After all, parties were ever only good for one thing: dividing a country and separating its people.

I call myself a moderate; however am registered as a democrat (the party who's opinion I typically lean towards). Recently, a blog I respect and admire for its positive, Christian-based message towards young adults has disappointed me greatly with counter-slander on Senator John Kerry's words in the past weekend. Although frustrating to hear political professionals stooping to the standard mudslinging.

Can't we stop this?

I ask my generation to consider it. I ask my generation to not allow pettiness to hault our nation from moving onwards and upwards. Right now, we are fighting ourselves in self-destructing circles. What is it good for a country to divide itself into these parties that sit around and complain about one another? We will go nowhere until we pick up our bags, find a compromise and move in a positive direction, doing what is best for our people and not just for specific socio-economic groups one 4 year period at a time.

Consider it. Look at each politician, figure out who you personally agree with more on their politics and policy. Learn their political history and background. Figure out who you agree with and use your vote well. Don't vote for someone only because your parents or friends like them; vote because they represent you. Don't vote for a person just because they are a democrat or republican and are the same party as you. Vote because you know the issues and care.

I will leave my political views out of this, and won't leave you with a petty cartoon that embarasses either "side" of the situation.

We're all Americans, here.